she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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