you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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