You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well I just put wine in my tea
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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