youre lurking in front of me
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
