if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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