i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
