We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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