32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
