Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
