You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
