u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
