dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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