Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize