i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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