the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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