I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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