...so i touched it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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