we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
