She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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