writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
