i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
