I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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