I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
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The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
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Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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