Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
