and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So squirting runs in the family.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
