tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Randomize
