I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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