i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
