Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
