i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
