when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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