So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
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And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
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So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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