So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
