a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
