he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
