I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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