first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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