Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize