I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
