But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
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who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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