right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
