I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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