Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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