best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
