So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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