Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
