Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
