I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
