This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
