I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
