toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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