At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
