and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
