Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
