she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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