I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
