dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
