The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
