everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
