Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
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he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
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Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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