They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
