I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
