My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So much rum. So many feels.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
