Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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