we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
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Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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