I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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