I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
