my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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