I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Randomize
