Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
