you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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