my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
