even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize