If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
