College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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