what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
