We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
