i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
