One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
